Walking in Peace

     We live in a world of conflict.  Divorce rates are high.  Political discussions are rarely civil.  Churches sometimes split.  People get fired.  Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law do not always see eye to eye.  I am amazed how many times I have been in a coffee shop or restaurant reading a book and the people at the table next to me or the waitresses nearby are discussing a conflict they are having with someone in their life.  Yes, I confess I was eavesdropping.  This is not the life God intended for us.  He wants us to walk in peace.  Specifically, Paul writes, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). So how do we do this?  How do we walk in peace in our daily relationships?
      First, actually see people.  Sometimes just trying to understand an individual’s personality type can make a difference.  There are various personality approaches that are out there which help a person understand other types.  One that amuses me is classifying people by the characters in Winnie the Pooh.  Most of us know an Eeyore.  They can drain the energy right out of the room.  Or I’ll never forget an episode I watched where Rabbit called a meeting with the stated purpose “to get the bounce out of Tigger.”  I’ll be honest, I am not a fan of the Rabbit personality.  But whatever a person’s personality, there are strengths; learn to look for and appreciate those strengths, then you’ll have less conflict.
      Another part of actually seeing people is understanding their history, particularly their trauma history.  Intentionally listen to those around you at work, church, and your other social circles.  If you are genuinely interested in them, people will often tell you quite a bit about themselves.  If you are dealing with someone who grew up in a violent, abusive home there will be emotional scars.  Typically, their default setting is distrust.  In contrast, the person who grew up in a reasonably good home tends to be more trusting.  Whatever the background everyone wants to be seen.  Everyone wants to be valued.  Occasionally you might be giving this gift to someone for the first time in their life. 
      Second, pray for challenging people, particularly when you feel the relationship starting to sour.  Prayers have tremendous power.  Years ago, I read “prayer can do anything God can do.”  When I pray for someone regularly, even if I do not initially like them, I find myself beginning to root for them.  Prayer is a powerful pathway to peace.
     Third, practice healthy boundaries.  Jesus loved everyone but there were different levels of relationship with him.  He worked with the crowd, then the 70, then the twelve apostles, then the inner three and the apostle John appears to be his best friend.  One of the most freeing discoveries for me as a minister was realizing that Jesus spent the bulk of his time with twelve men.  I was a younger man with a family at home and it hit me that with my wife and five kids I was at six people before I left my house.  Believing that I could have a deep, personal relationship with the few hundred people in my church was not realistic.  This helped me to invest deeply in my most important relationships and at appropriate levels with others.  It is alright if we do not click with a particular person. Jesus does not call us to force a deep friendship.  However, we are to be kind and loving with everyone. We should strive to go the extra mile in relationships because Jesus does say, “love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44).   But even then, we do not see Jesus inviting the Pharisees and Sadducees or Pontius Pilate, who convicted him, into his inner circle.
     No one lives a conflict-free life, but as followers of the Prince of Peace we ought to strive to walk through life as peacefully as possible. 
Pastor Derek Dickinson  
Fairbanks Alaska